| Dealing with Criticism…
If you are a pastor or leader in the church and you are moving forward in God’s mission and vision for the future there is one thing you will not escape – the sting of criticism. This is nothing new in the life of the church because even the Apostle Paul had to deal with criticism from the very beginning (read II Corinthians). I often hear pastors say there are way too many “bosses” in the church where I serve. When one of those “bosses” is quite opinionated and says some harsh words usually our reactions and defenses immediately rise up and we do what we do when anxiety invades our system. If we don’t learn to manage our anxiety well in those instances we can become very angry, or discouraged or even consider resigning from ministry. I know because I have been there. So what are some positive ways to handle our critics and deal with criticism? How as a pastor can one grow thicker skin without sacrificing a soft and compassionate heart? In his recent blog, Thom Rainer suggests seven ways to deal with criticism:
“1. Don’t take it personally. Most criticisms are not about you or your character. They are simply about a different opinion or perspective. Some may have no logical basis; they come from a deeply hurting person. I learned once that one of my most vocal critics was dealing with the death of his son. He needed my compassion, not my defensiveness.
2. Pray for the critic. I shouldn’t be surprised, but I am still amazed at the power of prayer. Especially at how often my fallible perspective changed when I started praying for my critics.
3. Develop a winsome spirit. Defensiveness and bitterness never help. Learn to laugh at yourself. Have a joyous spirit. Rejoice in the Lord always (there is something biblical about that).
4. Be a transparent leader. Criticism often reaches greater depths and frequency when people sense the pastor is not being upfront about an issue. A transparent leader will receive the benefit of the doubt more times than not. That pastor will not eliminate criticisms, but they will be less frequent and intense.
5. Pray for your own attitude (that prayer thing again). Pastors are not perfect. They can have bad attitudes, see critics as the enemy, or exhibit a spirit of defensiveness and even retribution. Pastors must constantly be on guard with their attitudes. Not only will they deal with ministry more effectively and in a godly way, they will develop thicker skins.
6. Focus on the majority. It may often seem more people are against you than with you. The minority critics can seem so loud that we get the impression most everyone is against us. I recently heard from a pastor who decided to move. When he announced his resignation to the congregation, they gave him a standing ovation of affirmation of his ministry. He said later that day that he probably would not have left that church, had he known so many people supported him.
7. Look in the mirror. We are all wrong sometimes. Some criticisms of us are not without justification. The pastor will gain more respect and credibility with a response that admits mistakes and apologizes.”
When criticism stares you in the face remember these words: “Know this, my beloved brothers/sisters: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.” (James 1:19 ESV) Working on relationships with those who are your critics is a sure sign of emotional maturity. Having a conversation over lunch with your worst critic may not totally solve the issue, but time spent with those who disagree with you gives everyone the opportunity to communicate, to learn and grow and adjust ones behavior. How well are you able to stay connected even with those with whom you disagree? When we keep our focus on what God has called us to be and do while valuing the relationships of those we lead including our critics, the journey into God’s preferred future is reachable, and relationships can be sustained and treasured in the long haul.
I found this article in my “Gems” file by Kent M, Keith entitled “A letter to African pastors – The Paradoxical Commandments”
People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered…
Love them anyway.
If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives…
Do good anyway.
If you are successful, you win false friends and true enemies…
Succeed anyway.
The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow….
Do good anyway.
Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable…
Be honest and frank anyway.
The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds…
Think big anyway.
People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs…
Fight for a few underdogs anyway.
What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight…
Build anyway.
People really need help but may attack you if you do help them…
Help people anyway.
Give the world the best you have and you’ll get kicked in the teeth…
Give the world the best you have anyway.
I continue to remind myself that Jesus was criticized, most of the apostles were martyred for what they believed, and the Old Testament prophets’ blood was spilled because of their critics. Jesus willingly went to the cross driven by the shouts of an angry mob that wanted Him dead – but the grave could not hold Him – He arose! How will you rise up and respond through those tough times of criticism?
–Wayne Van Regenmorter
Wayne’s Schedule
September
15: Conference Call, Office
16: Synod Staff Meeting/Merrillville, IN
17: Office/Coaching
18: Meeting/Orland Park, IL
19: Meeting/Chicago, IL
20: Off
21: Sunday Worship
22: Office
23: Wisconsin Servant Team Meeting/First Reformed Church/Cedar Grove, WI
24: Meeting/Dyer, IN
25: Meeting/Lemont, IL
26: Office
27: Off
28: Sunday Worship
29: Meeting/Hobart, IN
30: Meeting with Task Force/Calvary Reformed Church/Orland Park, IL
October
1: Office
2: Office
3: Meeting/Tinley Park, IL
4: Off
5: Sunday Worship
Wayne’s contact information:
10088 Prairie Knoll Ct.
St. John, IN 46373
Mobile: (941) 302-1281
Email: wregen@msyn.org |
